Kareoke will never be a sober sport
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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