we have pet lesbian snakes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize