My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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