i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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