So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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