pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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