can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
