I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
