WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
