RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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