My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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