My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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