i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
