what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's always time for handjobs
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
