aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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