Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
