I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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