I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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