if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
