This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
