haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
