i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
