Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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