i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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