If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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