I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
