Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
