Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my being single is dangerous.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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