Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
