why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
