I'm jealous of your bromance
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
