I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
