Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
