OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
