Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
