I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
