I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
