I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
