If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
