If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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