I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
