does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
