When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
