I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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