Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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