i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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