you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
