I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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