so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
