In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
