I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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