Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize