Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
