Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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