Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
