Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
