he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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