toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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