my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
