I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i drank out of a bidet.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
