At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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