a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
