Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
