I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
A+ Viking dick
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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