I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
