that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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