It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize