You just made me feel so damn special
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
