Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
