I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
