the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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