First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
