i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
