Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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