TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
