3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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